Headquarters
by FrostyShadows
Summary: A collections of one-shots about the everyday happenings at the Black Order headquarters. A new member joins, and very random things happen. Mostly Allena, maybe some Yullen.
1. New Exorcist

Everyone was peacefully eating breakfast in the Black Order Headquarters when Komui barged in with another one of his weird robots. This time is was small and round. He had a crazed expression on his face, like he often did the mornings after he spent the entire night building malfunctioning robots.

"I didn't give him his coffee yet. This can't be good." Lenalee shook her head.

"Behold the Innocence Tracker!" Her brother paused to give an evil sounding laugh, "It will help us find potential Exorcists."

Lavi said, "You know, if someone other than you invented it, I might've thought it was a good idea. But most of your inventions end up being, well, hazardous to our health."

Allen, who sat beside Lavi, shuddered behind his tall stack of pancakes, muffins, sausages, toast, scrambled eggs and cereal. He still hadn't forgotten the time Komui gave his robot coffee and the robot attempted to kill him. Lenalee shrugged, "We can try it. If it's defective, I'll just kick it again. At least it doesn't look that dangerous."

"Thank you, my dear Lenalee!" Everyone held their breaths as Komui switched the little robot on. It immediately started flashing a blinding red light. "INNOCENCE! INNOCENCE!" It went from Exorcist to Exorcist like a crazed energizer bunny high on chocolate.

"Komui…" Kanda said, clearly annoyed, "Maybe you shouldn't have turned it on in here. That robot is supposed to look for new Exorcists, not go around annoying the ones we already have."

Their supervisor smiled sheepishly, "Lenalee! Come with me to town so we can look for Exorcists!"

After breakfast, Lenalee, Allen and Lavi went with Komui to look for Exorcists. They knew it was pretty much a lost cause, but there was no point in arguing with Komui. As soon as they were outside, the robot started beeping. It flew down the road that lead to the town near Headquarters. The four of them ran after it. The robot finally stopped near a brick building.

"What now? Do we go in?" Lenalee asked. With her Dark Boots, she was the only one of them who wasn't out of breath. The others looked at each other and shrugged. The building was a restaurant, so the four of them went in.

"Ooooh! That cake looks so good!" Allen Walker picked up a menu and started to sit down at a table.

"You just ate breakfast, remember?" Lavi prodded him. Allen reluctantly let the menu fall back to the table. The robot stopped at the food of a pretty young waitress holding a tray with two cups of coffee. She looked in surprise at the silvery round thing at her foot. The girl wore a short black skirt with a lacy black blouse and a white apron. There was a black and white headpiece in her long bluish black hair. Lavi shouted, "Strike!" at the same time Komui said, "You're an Exorcist! And you're beautiful! My robot works!"

His eyes lit up and he launched himself on her. The waitress gave a little yelp and dropped her tray. One of the cups flipped over and coffee spilled all over the Innocence Tracker. The waitress flicked her wrist at the other one, which froze in midair. Lenalee cringed, then her eyes widened in shock when she saw that the waitress DID have powers. Meanwhile the robot started spinning in circles.

"Lavi, I think there's something wrong with the robot. Komui's inventions usually don't like coffee…" Allen Walker was scared.

"MUST. KILL. EVIL." The robot focused on Lavi and little bullets came out of the top.

"Ow! What the hell?" Lavi rubbed his arm.

"MUST. ATTACK. EVIL."

Komui looked over at them, "Oh right, I programmed it to destroy Akuma, but I can't be sure if it works properly."

Allen Walker ran out, followed by Lavi. Lenalee and Komui dragged the schocked waitress out with them. They ran all the way out of town, chased by the robot who periodically tried to kill them. Lenalee sighed and kicked it.

"NOOOOO!" Komui sobbed as another one of his robots was destroyed by his younger sister. The waitress took this chance to bitch-slap him across the face, "What are you? A pimp? If you are, I can probably beat you and your gang up. I have powers."

"We're actually here about your powers. You see, we think you have Innocence, and you can help us fight Akuma." Allen tried to explain.

"What are Akuma?" She still had a suspicious expression on her face, but at least she didn't look like she was going to slap Komui again. Komui opened his mouth, but Lenalee elbowed him before he could speak. Their supervisor wasn't exactly the best at explaining things.

"Hard to say, really. They're souls from dead people who are put into Akuma and are used to kill humans. There's these people called the Noah Clan who hate humans and want to destroy all of us with Akuma. Only people with Innocence can fight them. They're called Exorcists." Lavi said.

"I should get back to work." The waitress looked anxiously towards the town.

"Would you like come with us to see our headquarters after you're done? What's your name? We've been short on Exorcists lately, it'll be nice to recruit a new one." Lenalee asked her.

"I guess. I'll look for you after my shift is over. My name's Cecelia." She reached up to smooth back her hair, then ran back.

"I'm glad you came, Celilia." Lenalee smiled at her.

The other girl smiled back at her, "Figured it'll be interesting."

Komui, Allen and Lavi walked behind the two girls, quietly discussing who was hotter. At least Komui and Lavi were.

Headquarters was in complete chaos when they got there. The people from the science branch ran around in circles, spilling paperwork everywhere, trying to stay out of Miranda Lotto's way. She was screaming, pursued by dozens of evil-looking Innocence Trackers. She couldn't fight against very well, since she only had defence-type Innocence. Most of the other Exorcists were on missions.

"What happened?" Allen gasped.

Reever hurried over to them, "We got a new shipment of gourmet coffee beans. I was going into your office to put a few bags in your cupboard, when I opened the door and those robots tried to come out. I tripped and, well, the coffee beans kinda spilled… But seriously, if all your robots become evil when they eat coffee beans, why do you always give them mouths?"

Lenalee sighed and looked at her brother.

He grinned sheepishly, "I thought they worked pretty well, so I made a whole bunch so we could put them all over the world. And it does work, we found a new Exorcists, see?" He gestured to Cecilia.

Sensing the arrival of more Innocence, the robots swarmed towards them.

"AHHHH! I'M GONNA DIE!" Allen Walker jumped behind the first person he could, which happened to be Komui and wasn't exactly a good shield. Cecilia just looked surprised, and somewhat amused. Lenalee sighed and got ready to destroy more of her brother's stupid mutated inventions.

Well, I'm starting a new story. Hope you liked it. I have no idea how many chapters there's going to be, because they're all oneshots. By the way, Dirty Little Secret is a very good song ^_^

(yes I realize that was totally random, but I'm currently repeatedly listening to songs by the All American Rejects like I do every summer.) Anyway, please review!


	2. Allen, back to working off debts

Lenalee and Miranda took Cecilia and a tour of the building and ran into Cross Marian.

"Cross Marian! You're an Exorcist?" Cecilia looked at him with happy surprise.

"Cecilia…" He gave her a slow smile, "I've missed you."

"You two know each other?" Lenalee wondered how. The general managed to have an affair with pretty much all the pretty, cute or hot women he met. He had even kissed her once, even though she hadn't wanted him to.

"Our restaurant's also a small inn, although most of our customers come just for the food. He stayed there before." Cecilia blushed a little.

"Come to my room after dinner? We can talk, catch up on the years we were apart."

Lenalee shook her head at Cecilia's eager reply. God, he was such a playboy.

"Oh, um…you still owe my dad a few hundred dollars." Cecilia added.

"Don't worry about that. My apprentice can pay the bill for me. Oh, there he comes now!"

They turned around and saw Allen Walker eating a popsicle, walking down the hall. He gazed at them nonchalantly and waved at them with his popsicle.

"Allen! You Cecilia's boss a few hundred dollars." The general said casually. Allen instantly froze, "WHAT? I'm not even your apprentice anymore. Pay for it yourself."

"Too bad. I'm a general, therefore you're going to have to listen to me."

Allen activated his innocence and jumped on his former master, swearing at him. The two of them started beating each other up.

A few minutes later of watching the two of them pummel each other, Lenalee said, "Sorry about that. I used up most of my money, but would you like me to work at your restaurant for a while?"

Allen Walker and Cross Marian finally got off each other. "No, Lenalee, I'll do it!" Allen glared at the redheaded general, "It's impolite to make a girl work to pay off certain other people's bills, you know?"

Lenalee smiled at him, "We could go together. It might be fun."

The next day, Allen and Lenalee walked with Cecilia to work. Allen decided to be a cook, and Lenalee was a waitress. You'd think that after so many years of him working at stores to pay off bills, he'd be good at working random jobs. But he wasn't.

"Table 13's order!" Lenalee called, looking around. Crap, she forgot which one was table 13. She finally remembered that there was a toddler at that table, and went to the first table that had a toddler. Which was, fortunately for her, the right one. The toddler picked up a spoon and tried to eat a mystery lump of brown and yellow-ish food. It was rock hard.

The kid's mother looked annoyed, "I ordered mashed potatoes."

"Sorry!" Lenalee hurried to the kitchen, "Who was making table 13's mashed potatoes?"

Allen waved at her with a spatula, "I was supposed to get their order. But where does it say mashed potatoes?" He thought for a moment then brightened, "OH! SO FINGERLINGS AND GOLDEN RUSSETS WITH OUR RESTAURANT'S SPECIALTY SPICED SAUCE MEANS MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY!"

The other cooks looked at him with an exasperated expression. They were wondering why he was pouring chocolate sauce on chicken fingers, corn mush and apples. There was no more chocolate sauce for their popular pudding, because Allen ate it all while making his retarded "mashed potatoes". The head chef stormed over, "If you can't cook, be a waiter!" At the same time Cecilia came and said to Lenalee, "You should get back to work. How's Allen doing?"

Lenalee wasn't listening. Her feet hurt from the pointy black flats that came with the outfit. She suddenly had an idea for a new, more powerful Innocence attack, and started dancing. Allen tried to flip two pancakes, but was distracted by her and one fell on his face, the other on the head chef's. Lenalee continued dancing. A mini whirlwind began to form.

"Yes! It works!" She smiled triumphantly, then noticed that the wind was blowing thing all over the restaurant, "Oh God! I'm so sorry!"

Cecilia snapped her fingers. Most of the objects within a five meter radius stopped moving, including a few of the customers. Her dad, who was also the boss, looked really mad, "Cecilia! Those people you hired to pay off that Cross dickhead's debt are ruining my business! I want the payment in cash now. You two are fired."

Allen laughed, happy that someone finally agreed with him that Cross Marian was indeed a dickhead. Of course, most of the other people whom he owed money too thought so too, but they always took their anger out on his apprentice.

Cecilia went with them to Headquarters again that day.

"Sorry about my dad firing you guys. I guess you'll have to pay off the debt somehow." She said apologetically, "And I've decided to become an Exorcist. That wind thing you created was pretty cool, and you didn't even have your boots on! I want to help humans like you do. I have the power to do so, and I'll try my best."


	3. Operation

_I should mention that these stories and characters are based on the D. Gray-Man anime series, not the manga. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Yes, I should've put a disclaimer in the first chapter, but I keep on forgetting. Same goes for all my other fanfictions, but I'm too lazy to go and add them. Please review! _

"I've decided to join the Black Order Headquarters." Cecilia said to Komui later that day.

"Yay! Now I have to operate on you!" Komui gave her a big bear hug.

"O-Operate?" She shuddered. Komui smiled reassuringly at her (or at least he thought he looked reassuring) and took her to the hospital wing. Cecilia lay down uncertainly on one of the cots and Komui went out to get the medical equipment and an assistant. She shrieked in fright when she saw him come back with a huge machinery that looked like a mutated drill bit on steroids.

"It's okay…Don't be scared…" Komui had a creepy mad scientist look on his face and advanced towards the newest Exorcist with the drill bit whirling on full speed in front of him. Cecilia leapt up from the cot and ran out of the room screaming, only to be tackled by two doctors by the door that looked more like professional football players than doctors. They were used to new members trying to escape their supervisor.

They held her down on the cot while Komui's assistant shot some kind of drug into her arm. She instantly felt sleepy. Now he had to undress her…He was pretty sure she had a parasitic type Innocence. They were usually the easiest to operate on, but still needed to be modified so their Exorcists could control it without any trouble. Komui thought, Cecilia was really hot.

Cecilia dreamed that she was lying in a beautiful flower meadow. She was surrounded by grazing unicorns, with dozens of rainbows in the sky above. It was all so pretty…Suddenly, an ogre came up and tried to take of her clothes.

"RAPE!" She shouted and bitch-slapped him.

"OW!" Komui shouted. Cecilia saw his hazy shape leaning above him.

"Sorry…" She said. But then in her drug filled mind, Komui turned into that ugly ogre again. She tried to kick him in the crotch. Komui winced. That was too close for comfort. He motioned for his female assistant to undress her instead, and gave her a big dose of morphine to be on the safe side. He couldn't help but look at Cecilia. Her skin looked so soft…There was a spiral tattoo on her back that was raised and shimmered slightly. Was it the innocence? He stroked her skin. Yes, it was really soft…The assistant jabbed him in the side. Komui was here to modify her Innocence, not to make out with her.

Cecilia was petting unicorns among the flowers. She felt her clothes being taken off, but she was so drowsy… Cross Marian was suddenly there. He lifted her onto a unicorn. But the unicorn was being mean, and poked her with its pearly pink horn. Right where her spiral birthmark was. That really hurt…She woke up again and slapped whatever was in front of her, which happened to be Komui's face.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Can you tell me if your tattoo seems to have any special powers?" The assistant said to her.

Cecilia blinked the world back into focus, "It's a birthmark. I was born with it on my back and it runs all the way down my arm. It tingles whenever I use my, er, Innocence, so I guess that's the source." She wanted to go back to her dream. She was so close to making out with Cross, but…her eyes widened when she saw that the drill bit thingy had pierced into her back. Letting out a bloodcurdling scream, she kicked and punched Komui until he had to let go.

"Give her medical marijuana!" He shouted to the assistant.

"Isn't that supposed to be a dangerous drug?" The assistant said uncertainly. She then shrugged and shot it onto Cecilia anyway.

She was lying in the meadow with Cross Marian. The unicorn kept on prodding her back though, so she kicked it.

"She's still kicking! Give her sleeping pills or red wine or whatever." Komui held his arm in pain.

"Um…you're not supposed to give a patient more than three types of drugs in one day." The assistant reminded him. But she didn't want to get kicked or slapped either, so they poured red wine down Cecilia's throat.

In her dreamworld, Cross gave her a glass of wine. She smiled happily. But the general suddenly turned into Komui. Who was wearing nothing but a pair of white boxers with red hearts all over it. Cecilia was startled, but decided that Komui would be okay too. He had really nice abs and arm muscles in her dream.

"DONE!" The supervisor and his assistant breathed a sigh of relief. They were finally done operating. Cecilia suddenly pulled Komui down towards her. She kissed his lips, much to his shock, and tore at his shirt, stroking his (non-existent) abs. He smiled awkwardly and tried to dress her in the uniform he designed. A black hooded shirt with sleeves that ended in gloves with the fingers cut off and silver patterns decorating it, a short black and silver skirt that was similar to Lenalee's, black fishnet leggings and flats.

Cecilia smile sleepily and pushed the clothes away, then tried to kiss him again. Then she blinked and saw finally where she was, what she was doing. She slapped Komui, grabbed her new uniform and ran out of the hospital room, falling over several times because of the amount of drugs Komui and his assistant gave her.

Komui shook his head, a bit confused. He was used to his patients trying to escape when he was operating on them, but this was a first. He smiled to himself. She WAS a pretty good kisser…


	4. Parental Issues

It was another peaceful morning at headquarters. Peaceful, until their supervisor came in. He went straight to Lenalee and hugged her, which was an awkward position because she was eating a muffin.

"LENALEE! I'M SO SORRY I WASN'T THERE TO HELP YOU THROUGH THE DIFFICULT YEARS OF TEENAGE ANGST!" Komui started sobbing into her shoulder.

Lenalee exchanged a glance with Allen Walker, "Nii-san, I'm fine, really." She patted her brother's back.

Komui marched over to Miranda and said, "I appoint you as Lenalee's puberty counsellor. You will guide her through the changed from kid to woman. She will confide in you when she has questions about her period, sexual urges, things like that. "

Miranda chuckled nervously, "She's twenty. I doubt need my help."

"OF COURSE SHE DOES! WHAT IF SHE SUDDENLY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ALLEN?" Komui continued sobbing.

Allen choked on his toast. Lenalee edged away from him slightly.

"See, Miranda? She needs a puberty counsellor."

Miranda said, "Why don't you ask some other person? Cecilia, maybe?" Cecilia shook her head in protest. "Fine. Get one of the female nurses. I'm sure they know more about that stuff than me."

"No! You two know each other pretty well. I need to find someone that Lenalee feels comfortable talking to about her period, growing hair, buying deodorant…" Komui was getting louder and louder.

The people at tables near them turned around to watch the show. Lenalee slumped down in humiliation.

"Nii-san, I don't feel comfortable talking about those things to anyone. Shut up." She hissed at him.

"Lenalee, as a good parent, I must talk to you more. I haven't been giving you enough attention. I'm sorry!"

"You're my brother, not parent! And you're a pretty good one, even though you can be rather pushy at times. You're pretty good at giving me more attention than I need." Of course Komui didn't understand the meaning behind the last sentence. She smiled sweetly at him, hoping he would go away. Surprisingly, he did.

Reever walked by their table, and said to Lenalee, "The supervisor's been reading this book called How to Ensure Your Daughter a Happy Childhood and Teenage Years."

Lenalee had a sudden urge to smash her head, and possibly Komui's as well, against a wall. Why did he assume she was making out with so many people? Really, he had tried to beat up pretty much every male between the ages of 10 and 40 with the suspicion that they were trying to take advantage of her. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't a good idea to try to beat up an Exorcist. His main targets were Allen and Lavi.

Komui came running back with a bag of tampons (I realize that tampons probably weren't invented yet, but if they can make golems, they can make tampons). "Lenaleeeee! Based on a survey, 67% of women think that this is the best tampon brand."

Lenalee didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Why the hell was her brother shopping for tampons? Cecilia and Miranda started laughing. Komui turned to them and offered them a tampon.

"Lenalee, we have to share our feelings with each other more. I feel like I hardly know what's going on in your life."

"Nii-san, it's fine. I've been, ah, going through puberty for years." Lenalee was turning bright red, much to everyone else's amusement. Allen wolfed down the rest of his food and quickly left before Komui could accuse him of making his precious sister "unpure" again. Most of the others Komui had tried to beaten up before left too, not wanting to have to activate their Innocence on the supervisor. Allen,

"Allen! Go destroy that book. Lenalee's life is gonna be miserable if we don't, and so will our lives." His former master was still ordering him around. They went to the science department to look for Reever.

"Where's the book?" Lavi poked the science branch leader.

"Komui's desk. He was reading it this morning. Now it's probably buried under hundreds of pages of paperwork. He put it in a bulletproof book protection case with a lock that requires 2 keys. The book itself is a hardcover, and by that I mean very hard. There's also a lock on it, like a diary." He grinned at the expressions on Allen, Lavi and Cross's face.

After several minutes of digging through paper, they finally found the book.

"So this is why Komui never trust anyone around Lenalee!" Allen said, smashing the case on the floor. It didn't open. His master shot a bullet at it with his Innocence, but it was even more bulletproof than they though.

"Ugh. What's this stuff made of?" Lavi muttered, smashing his hammer on it. It cracked in two, then sealed together again. Komui had put a lot of effort into keeping the book safe. With a shout, all three Exorcists activated their Innocence on that damn book case. It finally broke. Curious, they decided to read it before destroying it.

**Lesson one: If your daughter has any signs that she's interested in a boy, make it clear to the boy that she is unavailable in any means necessary. This includes swearing at them, humiliating them in front of everybody, hiring a professional murderer…**

The three of them exchanged an exasperated look. So that's where their supervisor got all his ideas.

**Lesson two: Make sure your child understands the changes she is going through. Provide her with plenty of knowledge about it.**

This was followed by many pages of diagrams and explanations that they didn't really want to look at. Allen felt sorry for Lenalee.

Komui suddenly burst into the room, "DON'T TOUCH HOW TO ENSURE YOUR CHILD A HAPPY CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS!"

"Gah!" Lavi dropped his hammer in shock, which landed right on the book. Komui had a murderous look on his face. Lavi grabbed his hammer and ran out of the room, chased by Komui.


	5. Mission, part 1

Allen Walker glanced around Komui's office. Tapp had told him to come down here to receive a new mission, but Komui still wasn't here. Yu Kanda and Cross Marian strode in.

"You're all going on the mission?" Allen was not happy with the arrangements. Kanda always called him "beansprout", and Cross…well, enough said. Not his ideal travelling buddies.

Komui sauntered in, "Sorry I'm late! You three will be going to a small town called Herda, near London. There's a lot of level 2 akuma, and I want you to make sure they don't cause damage to any major cities. There may also be a few level 3's, so be careful."

The three exorcists got on a train to London. Allen had dozed off for a while, and was now extremely bored. Another hour until the train reached its destination. "Look! Cows!" Allen said very loudly. Kanda was sleeping beside him and he was annoying him on purpose.

"Shut up, beansprout!" Kanda muttered. Allen grinned. Then he noticed that his former master wasn't there. He had a bad feeling about this…And most of his bad feelings about the general were usually right. He sighed and got off to search for him.

Cross Marian was gambling with a bunch of guys that looked like goth hobos. He was losing, as usual. Allen's eyes grew wide at the huge amount of money he had put out. That was all their travelling money!

"Cross! Get out of here!" Allen shouted at him, "You're throwing all our money away, you dumbass!"

The hobos looked at the teenager in amusement. Despite his white hair, he still looked young for his age. They smirked, "Wanna join us, kid?"

"Yeah, I think I will." He joined in the next round and managed to win back most of the money. The hobos' faces darkened as the pile of cash in front of them got smaller and smaller. The train whistled, signalling their arrival. Allen grabbed Cross and the money before the dangerous-looking hobos could do anything bad to them. Or before they could try, and one of the exorcists would activate their Innocence and murder someone by accident.

"Hurry!" The two of them took their suitcases and rushed a sleepy Kanda out, pointing their chins at the angry hobos. Kanda sighed, resisting the urge to punch both of them in the head.

"I'm hungry." Allen told them after an hour of walking to Herda.

"Eat some of the suitcase full of food you packed." Kanda replied, not slowing down.

"Um…I finished most of that on the train ride. Now I want dinner."

"HOW CAN YOU FINISH AN ENTIRE SUITCASE OF FOOD IN FIVE HOURS?" Kanda shook Allen's shoulders.

The general said, "We're almost there. Let's settle down for the night and fight the akuma tomorrow. I heard that there's a five-star hotel here, with an all-you-can-eat buffet, a deluxe spa, 24-hour room service and a casino with a bunch of showgirls. There's this great suite that comes with a private hot tub. $600 per night."

"We only have a thousand dollars on our budget! There's this three-star hotel that costs $70 per room per night. We'll spend around $350 on rooms and stuff. There's also the train ticket. And I need at least two hundred for food…" Allen protested.

"Well, I need to see showgirls in skimpy lingerie, and a huge suite where they can spend the night with me. Don't worry, I'll hopefully win some money at the casino."

"YOU'RE NOT GAMBLING AGAIN. YOU'LL LOSE ALL OUR MONEY!" Allen screeched at him.

"TOO BAD! I'M YOUR MASTER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!"

"WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT HOTEL!"

"WHY DON'T YOU PAY OR WORK OFF MY BILLS THEN?"

"I'M NOT GONNA PAY YOUR DAMN BILLS AGAIN!"

"WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU EAT LIKE A DAMN PIG!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE A HO!"

"IT'S NOT MINE THAT YOU DON'T WORK OFF MY BILLS PROPERLY!"

That was the last straw. "Innocence, activate!" Allen shot one of his Crown Clown ribbons at him. Cross ducked and shot a bullet at Allen, who deflected it with his left-arm-turned sword. He sliced at the smirking redhead, who became invisible. Kanda sighed and activated his Mugen. He swiftly knocked Allen's sword to the ground, catching him by surprise. Then he somehow managed to disarm Cross too.

"If you guys keep on trying to murder each other, I'll end up having to fight the akuma by myself. And I wouldn't failed my part." Kanda said.

"What do you mean, failed your part?" Allen asked.

Kanda crossed his arms, "The main reason I was sent on this mission with you two is to keep you from killing each other. Think about it. You're the only exorcist who can completely synchronize with his Innocence, and he's a general with 2 weapons. You can easily defeat those level twos."

"Hey, so you're admitting that I'm more powerful than you?" Allen grinned.

"Don't get so vain, beansprout. I'm way better than you at sword fighting." Kanda replied.

Allen muttered, "If Komui knows we'll try to kill each other, why didn't he send one of us out and kept the other one at home? He could've sent Lavi, or one of the other generals, or Lena-"

He trailed off and looked at Cross. They said in unison, "It's to keep us away from his precious Lenalee…"

"Oh god, I wonder what he's doing to Lavi right now for ruining his precious parenting book." Allen shuddered, "Well, I'm hungry, so let's find go find a place to stay."

"You're always hungry. The five-star hotel's that way…" Kanda rolled his eyes as Allen launched himself on Cross again.

They ended up sharing a large room at the five-star hotel. Allen gave in when he saw their buffet, but refused to let Cross have his own suite and banned him from the casino. Of course, he went there anyway, not that the others needed to know. He had actually won $50 this time, but spent it on a nice massage by an incredibly sexy masseuse. Who turned out to be an akuma and tried to kill him at the end of the massage. He pondered whether or not to tell his travelling companions about this, but decided against it. They would just get annoyed that he gambled again.

The hotel staff were NOT happy after they saw a white-haired boy contently eating his way through half their food.

"Let's go fight some akuma!" Allen said, and the three of them finally started what they were there for.


	6. Mission, part 2

_I might update slower now, because I'm going on vacation. Hope you don't mind waiting, and please review!_ They didn't have to go very far before seeing their first akuma. Two of the bellhops were level ones. They walked out, looking for a possible meeting place for those demons. The akuma usually gathered somewhere to meet the Exorcists all at once if they knew that they were in their town.

"Food!" Allen's eyes lit up at a fancy café. He looked into the window full of cakes, pastries, pies, exotic drinks, drooling.

"Hurry up beansprout, you just ate up half a buffet, remember?" Kanda's ponytail swished as he yanked on Allen's hood.

Cross suddenly joined them at the window, staring at the young waitresses. One of them blew a kiss at him. He also began drooling. It was two against one; they went into the café.

Kanda sighed, "You know this is probably a trap, right?" Allen shook his head, "My left eye isn't reacting that much. I can sense some akuma that are at least 100 meters away from us. We should be safe. No wait, they're 70 meters away…no, 50…"

"I knew this was a trap! Allen, you idiot!" Cross yelled at him.

"You're the one that decided to come in!" Allen screamed back.

"You brought my attention to them first!"

Allen activated his innocence and jumped at his master. Cross fired a Judgement bullet.

"YAHHHH!" They screamed as they attacked each other.

"PAY ATTENTION!" Kanda shouted, defending the three of them from a level two, "You're supposed to be fighting akuma, not each other! And I'm not your bodyguard thank you very much."

Cross smirked and jumped out of a level three's way, giving it a clear path towards his former apprentice. Allen just barely managed to block the akuma. The three Exorcists formed a small circle back to back, fighting off dozens of akuma.

"Gah, I'm hungry." Allen muttered.

"Shut up, beansprout." Cross and Kanda said in unison, poking him in the ribs. Suddenly, they heard a familiar voice…

"Lero!" The little umbrella zoomed in circles around the restaurant, looking frantic, "Why am I here lero? ROOOAAAAD where did you go lero?"

"What are you doing here? Did the Noah send you?" A level two looked at him with a puzzled look.

"No lero! Road was testing out a-" Lero stopped in the middle of his sentence, looking at the Exorcists, "Can't say anything with them here, lero."

Allen used his Crown Clown to capture the umbrella.

"Hey! What's that for, lero?" He said, struggling against the white material.

"I dunno, I suddenly thought it would be a good idea to kidnap you." Allen shrugged. The akuma, who had stopped their attacks for a while, resumed fighting. Out of the ones in the café, there were only five level threes left. Lero kept on zooming in circles around Allen, making it difficult for him to defend himself.

"Stupid umbrella…" Allen threw him against one of the level threes.

"That hurt, lero!"

"Sorry…" The akuma apologized. It tried to beat up Allen, who continuously whipped Lero at it, fending off the akuma's shower of bullets with his arm-turned-sword.

"Watch out!" Kanda leapt at the last level three that was trying to kill Allen.

"So, mission's over?" Kanda asked.

Cross Marian frowned, "I think there's someone working for the Noah here. That's usually the case when there's so many akuma in one small town."

"I think there's still some left." Allen chimed in, "I can sense them, but I'm pretty sure they're mostly level ones. No level threes."

Timcanpy flicked his tail at Allen to catch his attention. He opened his mouth to reveal a screen that showed Komui's office (think webcam).

"Allen! Do you think you can access the ark? The science department

modified it and we want you guys to test it." Allen could Komui sitting at his desk, talking into a phone of some sort.

"Tch, so we're his experimental hamsters." Kanda muttered.

"I can try…" The whitehead said uncertainly.

Komui continued, "I'll send over some Finders to put up protection talismans. Try to kill most of the akuma, but don't stay too long. We don't have to worry about new akuma for a while now the egg has been destroyed."

"Tell the Finders to check out this café near a five-star hotel. It's called Rose Tearoom and the waitresses are really hot. We were attacked there, so it might have some connections to the Noah." Cross said at the golem.

Allen had sat down at a table with a huge cake in front of him. Apparently the chefs, waitresses and customers were either akuma, dead, or had escaped sometime during the fight. At least that meant he got free food.

"Try to play the song now." Cross tapped his shoulder.

"I'm gunna eat firsht." Allen said through a mouthful of chocolate icing.

The two other exorcists sighed and paced around the room impatiently.

"I'm done!" Allen ran his fingers through his hair cheerfully a few minutes later, "I think I need an instrument. I just started this Player business, so I need to practice a bit before I can do it all in my head. I saw an instrument shop here somewhere…"

The three of them wandered around the town, dragging Lero with them. The umbrella yelled his name every couple of seconds. "I see a violin! And a guitar! And a piano!" Allen hurried into a small store, "Oh, and for your information, that cashier is an akuma."

He settled himself onto a piano seat and began to play as Kanda finished off the cashier. One of the violet ark portals materialized in front of them…

"Which door?" Kanda asked when they entered the strange realm with white-washed buildings.

"26." Allen replied.

26 was a two-story building with palm trees in the front. They took a deep breath, wondering what lay behind the door. It was a strange, long tunnel with green walls and doors carved into the stone that appeared every couple of meters.

"Which one?" Cross asked his apprentice.

"Um…I'm not sure…" Allen smiled cheekily.

"Lero!" Lero said and tried to bite Timcanpy. Timcanpy bared his teeth at the Earl's golem, darting out of the way. They began chasing each other. Despite Timcanpy's growing all the time, the umbrella was still a lot bigger.

"Tim! Are you okay?" Allen Walker slipped his golem into his pocket and stuffed Lero into a suitcase. Meanwhile, Kanda was trying out the doors.

"GAH! IT'S A LEVEL 5 AKUMA!" Allen screeched as a bunch of penguins flung themselves out from a door, landing on the Exorcists.

"No, beansprout, they're penguins." Kanda told him, trying to push the waddling animals back into the door they came from. The Exorcists trudged on. A few hours later of unsuccessful door-opening and being attacked by random objects and animals, Allen said, "We're really close. Try that door."

It was pitch black. Cross fired a bullet at where the ground should've been. A penguin suddenly waddled up to them and peered over the edge.

"Hey, you penguin, get back here!" Allen said at the little creature. "What the hell is a penguin doing here? I thought you got them back already."

Lero pushed at the walls of the suitcase.

"Stop, you stupid umbrella." Kanda kicked the suitcase, then turned to Allen, "I thought you said this was the right door!"

They tried the next one. It turned out to be similar to the one where the penguins came from.

"Let's put him there." Allen nudged the penguin with his foot. The penguin hid behind him in fear as polar bears ran out at them.

"GAHHHHH! LEVEL 5 AKUMA!" He screamed again.

"Nah, they're polar bears. And they might be dangerous…" Cross said. One of the polar bears attempted to eat Timcanpy. Kanda scared them back into their realm with one of his Mugen's illusions.

"Hey, you think polar bears are edible? I'm hungry." Allen asked.

"You just ate a few hours ago, beansprout." Kanda replied.

"My name's Allen Walker!"

Cross said, "Huh, you've only been with him for a few days. Try having him as an apprentice! He's always whining about food."

"Well, that's better than making an 11-year-old work off all your bills!"

The two of them began fighting again. Kanda shook his head and opened the door.

"Hey! This is the right place!" Allen exclaimed. The new room was an underground landscape filled with air. Didn't make much sense, but the ark's realms were rarely logical. The three of them arrived at Headquarters an hour later, with a penguin skipping behind them and an unhappy umbrella in a suitcase. They weren't aware of Komui's wrath that awaited them. Well, mostly awaited Allen Walker.


	7. Unexpected pregnancies

"WHO GOT LENALEE PREGNANT?" Komui sobbed as soon as Allen Walker, Yu Kanda and Cross Marian stepped through the ark.

"She's pregnant?" Allen stopped in his tracks, "WHO GOT LENALEE PREGNANT?"

Komui didn't wait for an answer to his question. "ATTACK!" An army of Innocence Trackers came out from behind him and shot at the three Exorcists. They were the modified versions, with coffee still dripping down their round shape. Kanda sighed in annoyance and activated his Mugen. The other two also activated their Innocence, chopping at Komui's screwed up inventions. Their supervisor looked on in agony as his precious robots were destroyed once more. It was an all too familiar scene…

**-flashback-**

** Komui ushered Lenalee and Miranda into Miranda's room, "Time for your Puberty Counsellor session!"**

** "Nii-san, I don't need counselling…" Lenalee didn't try to hard to argue. There was no point talking to her brother when he had his mind set on something, no matter how absurd it was. And it was usually pretty absurd. The two girls sat in awkward silence in the room.**

** "Er…anything you wanna talk about?" Miranda asked.**

** Lenalee shrugged, "Oh, I didn't get my period this month.**

** Miranda wrinkled her nose, "I did not need to know that."**

**"Let's talk about something else then."**

** "Cecilia told me there's this huge mall opening next month near her family's restaurant."**

** "We should totally go shopping together! You think there's gonna be any good food places in there? I suddenly eat a lot more than usual."**

** "Yeah, I heard there's a food court with 12 different kiosks! We should check out some clothes too. I wanna buy a new-"**

** Komui burst into the room, screaming, "LENALEEEEE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR PERIOD? ARE YOU PREGNANT? WAHHHHHH!"**

** "I-I'm not…" Lenalee's cheeks turned red, "And why were you listening?"**

** -end of flashback-**

"Uh, guys? I'm still a virgin." Lenalee rolled her eyes.

"Which one of you?" Komui pointed at Allen, Cross and Kanda.

"I-I never…" Allen shook his head. He added, "I'm hungry. Can I have some lunch now?" His request was ignored.

"Hey, I wish I did her, but I never did. I never did anything more than kissing her." Cross replied.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Komui, Allen and Lavi shouted in near unison. Komui said, "ATTACK!" and another army of Innocence Trackers swarmed out from behind him and jumped on him. Allen and Lavi joined their attack.

"Komui, there's no need for that. Lenalee's old enough to make her own decisions." Renee Epstein, the supervisor of the North American branch, put her hand on Komui's shoulder. Komui grinned stupidly at her. Renee wasn't very pretty, but she had a confidence that Komui really liked. _What was she doing here?_ Allen shot a puzzled look at Lavi.

"Bak Chan's here too. They wanted to study yours and Lenalee's Innocence." He explained.

"In just two days?" Allen was surprised. Lavi frowned, "No, you guys were gone for five days. I think the time setting for the ark is messed up or something. The science department was tracking Timcanpy to see if the ark works, and it was like slow motion. We were worried about you."

Suddenly, one of the suitcases flew up and hit Johnny on the head. A voice said, "Let me out, lero! Road will kill you if she finds out you stole me lero!"

"Ow! What was that?"

"Oh, I forgot that Lero's in there. You know, that annoying umbrella the Earl always has? We kidnapped him. Figured we could hold him as hostage for information on whatever the Noah knows." Allen explained, "And I'm really hungry, so can I eat?"

Komui whipped out a little rectangular thing, "This is a pregnancy tester. Lenalee, go use it."

Lenalee sighed and went into a washroom. A few minutes later, she gave a little squeak. The little rectangle seemed to think she was pregnant, even though she wasn't. Komui rushed into the washroom, and came out smiling darkly, "So who was it? Who touched my little sister? You can't hide it anymore. There's proof."

Miranda sighed, "Those things have less than 50% accuracy." She also went into the bathroom to use the little stick. When she came out, she showed Komui the results, "See? It says I'm pregnant too, and I'm obviously not."

"You are?" Everyone else gaped at her in astonishment. Miranda, realizing that she made a mistake, protested weakly, "No, I-I'm not. Really. And neither is Lenalee."

"Hey, I'll try that tester if it means Komui won't accuse me of making Lenalee pregnant." Allen Walker offered. He also came out with a positive.

"Not you too!" Komui gasped, "How is that even possible?"

"That's the point! None of us are. This tester is a piece of crap." Allen explained, "Here, Kanda, you should try it."

"Tch. No way." Kanda cross his arms and shook his head, his ponytail swishing across his back. Allen looked at Komui, who produced another pregnancy tester and went into the washroom voluntarily. _How many of those things did he buy?_ Renee shook her head in amusement, "Is he always like this?"

"Yeah, when Lenalee's involved, he is." Allen replied. Lenalee blushed and turned to help Cross Marian kill the mutated Innocence Trackers.

"NOOOOO! HOW CAN I BE PREGNANT?" Komui's wail came from the washroom. Reever, who happened to walk by and heard the shout, shot a questioning look at them, but didn't press it. It was their wacky supervisor after all.


	8. Love, lust, and a possible murder

Allen Walker leaned back contently onto his pillows, eating a lunch-in-bed. He was tired from his mission and his right arm still hurt, so one of their cooks brought him his food to his room.

Lenalee knocked and came in, carrying his sixth plate of baked turkey. She perched on the edge of his bed, "Sorry about my brother accusing you of making me pregnant. That was really embarrassing. How was the mission?"

Allen smiled at her, "Thanks for the turkey! The mission went pretty well. Considering that I was stuck with Kanda and Cross. Did he really kiss you?"

"It was when we were trying to destroy the egg. I was kinda unconscious, so he was carrying me. Sorry about that…"

Allen ate an entire turkey leg in one bite, then offered some to Lenalee. He spoke when he finished chewing, "He's such an asshole!"

Lenalee laughed, "He's not THAT bad."

"Oh, not you too! Every single female thinks he's awesome."

"He's a big help to the Black Order. But I like you a lot more than him. I just wish Nii-san didn't make everything so awkward."

Allen finished the rest of his turkey in five bites and stroked Lenalee's hair, "Your hair's getting long again. You should put it in pigtails, it looks really nice when you do that. Oh, and what's this about Bak and Renee being here to study our Innocence?"

"Central sent them. Inspector Link was going to come at first, but he got sent away. I think it was to study the akuma egg plant or something. They sent some people from Central's science department instead. My Innocence's synchronization rate went up after it evolved, so they want to see if it's possible to get the other equip-type Innocences to evolve. And, well, you're the 14th and all…I'm kina scared though. Central doesn't care about us, Allen. They only care about the big picture. They think you're becoming a Noah."

Lenalee leaned into Allen. He sighed, "They won't do anything to you. Komui will be in death mode if anyone other than him touches you. I learned that from experience…" Allen smiled darkly.

Bak came into his room, "Allen, the science department's gonna run some tests on your Innocence. Lenalee! What are you doing here? I hope you realize that Komui's gonna kill you if he ever finds out."

"Wait, let me finish my turkey first." The exorcist replied.

Bak crossed his arms, "You wouldn't want to keep the Central's people waiting. If you don't get up in one minute, I'll go tell Komui that you're in bed with Lenalee."

Lenalee replied, "Well, Komui's in bed with Renee."

The Asian Headquarters supervisor smiled and shook his head. How did someone like Komui become supervisor? Bak wondered if Lenalee was telling the truth. He couldn't imagine Komui in bed with anyone. Well, except maybe his little sister. Who was currently in bed with a possible Noah, if those Central idiots were to be believed. Bak, as well as the other Exorcists and most of the people at Headquarters, didn't believe that Allen Walker would turn evil, but Central didn't' really care about their opinions. He went out of Allen's bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"Hmmm, guess you have to go now that the turkey's gone." Lenalee murmured. Allen stuffed the last forkful into his mouth and rubbed the back of his head, something he did when he was nervous, "Nah, I'm sure they won't mind if I stay with you a bit longer."

Komui finished making out with Renee and walked towards the white-haired Exorcist's room, humming to himself. The science department was supposed to do a check-up on his Innocence, so he decided to call him down. He opened the door…

"LENALEEEEE!"

His precious little sister, who he was always trying to protect, was sucking face with Allen Walker. Their Exorcist uniforms were thrown into a corner in the room. It's not as bad as it seems, really, because Allen and Lenalee wore a white T-shirt and a cami under their uniforms, respectively. But since we're talking about Komui here…

Lenalee shrieked and shoved Allen, who was laying on top of her, off, "Nii-san!"

"What are you doing? My dear Lenaleeeeeeeeeeee!" Komui threw himself onto his sister, similar to the position Allen had been in a few seconds ago.

"Nii-san, your shirt's not buttoned up properly. The buttons aren't in the right holes. Weird, they were fine this morning." Lenalee decided to play the guilt card on Komui.

"Ahhh…That…well, it was really hot so I took my shirt off, then it got cold so I put it back on again." Komui pouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest, "Wanna explain why you're with _him? On his bed?"_

"S-sorry! She brought me some food, and, it just kinda happened." Allen was rubbing the back of his head furiously. Komui was going to do tests on his Innocence. Meaning their supervisor, who had just caught him making out with Lenalee, was going to have access to a lot of sharp, pointy things while he was pretty much unconscious on painkillers and other drugs. God, he was going to die. Hopefully Bak would be able to restrain Komui…

He woke up a few hours later on an operation bed with Komui's murderous expression peering into his face.

"AHHH! Lenalee and I, w-we didn't do anything…" Allen tried to jump up but his arms and legs were all clamped down.

A Central doctor pushed Komui out of the way, "Your Innocence hasn't been altered yet. You may experience some of the 14th memories, but your Noah powers won't appear anytime soon. However, the Central won't hesitate to kill you if you show any signs of betrayal."

Allen smiled weakly at him. That doctor wasn't the most positive person, but at least he hadn't let Komui murder him in his sleep. That had to count for something, right?

"Well, I'm done here." The doctor left the room, with most of the other people trailing out behind him.

"We'll go file the results." Bak waved a pile of papers at Allen, and he and Renee also left. Which left Komui and Allen Walker alone in the room, surrounded by sharp, pointy things. Komui picked up a huge needle and advanced towards him, smiling evilly, "You touched my Lenalee…"

"No! I'm sorry!" Allen Walker tried to escape, but he was still clamped down. The needle came at him, and everyone heard his screams…

Haha don't worry, I'm not killing the protagonist. This is supposed to be a comedy, remember? Anyway, I'm up to date on the D. Gray-Man manga, so I might add some characters from the manga now. Please review!


	9. LEROLEROLERO

"Um…Allen? What exactly did you want to do with Lero?" Lavi tapped his friend's shoulder, glancing at the umbrella that was currently flying angrily in circles, shouting his name every coupe of seconds. The Exorcists that weren't on mission sat in the spacious lounge/living room, talking or reading or whatever. Or at least they were trying to, but it was hard with Lero's voice ringing in their ears. He was annoying the hell out of everyone. And his newest hobby was terrorizing the Exorcists' golems.

"I dunno, I thought we could hold him as hostage for whatever the Noah know about the Heart." Allen shrugged.

"Great, I hope you realize that Road's gonna come any minute now to take Lero back. She'll probably try to destroy Headquarters along the way."

"Sorry…"

One of Road's heart-shaped doors suddenly appeared in their lounge. The Exorcists stiffened and looked at each other.

"Um…Allen?" Lavi glared at him.

The spikey-haired Noah stepped through the doorway, sucking on a lollipop. A huge grin appeared on her face when she saw Allen Walker. "Allen! I missed you!" She skipped over and gave him a big hug, "Want a candy?"

The Exorcist was about to refuse, then shrugged, "Oh, what the hell, why not. I guess you came for Lero."

"ROOOOOAAAD! YOU FINALLY CAME LERO!" Lero flew over. Marie quickly wrapped him with his threads. The others wondered whether or not they should try to kill Road.

"So, I see you wanted to hold him as hostage." Road cocked her head to one side and sat down beside the white-haired teenager, "I could easily take him, but since you're my family member, I might do whatever you want."

"Tch. Just take the umbrella. He's very annoying." Kanda muttered.

"Yeah, that's plan C. Nice going, Lero."

"LET ME GOOO LERO!"

"What are the other plans?" Tiedoll asked.

"LET ME GOOO LERO!" Marie slapped him, "OWWW! THAT'S NOT NICE LERO!"

"Plan A is to kill the people in question, plan B is to summon akuma to do the dirty work for us or as reinforcement, and plan C is to make the people in question's life as miserable as possible. There's also several other plans, all the way up to P. But I won't tell you those."

Allen asked, "So what do you know about the Heart?"

"LET ME GO LERO!"

"Oh, like I said, I don't need to tell you that. But I will. We don't know much more about it than you do. However, we're sure that it's an Exorcist you already know. I'm being a lot more gracious than I have to be, Allen. Now, would you like to join my family?"

"Oh, come on. You nearly killed me and Lenalee. Of course I don't want to be your relative. But I'll hug you if you want."

"LEROOO!"

Road knew that there was a 99% chance that it was a trap, but she hugged him anyway. She was much stronger than him. At least for now.

"Okay, I'll be going."

Reever came soon after, with the three supervisors behind him, "So you put it on her?"

Allen grinned, "Yup. Now she has to suffer what we suffered."

When he hugged Road, he stuck one of Komui's little devices on her with superglue. It was supposed to shout LERO every couple of seconds. Harmless, but knowing Komui, it'll probably short-circuit and become a psycho robot killer sometime soon. All while being stuck to Road's back. That superglue was very very sticky.

A voice came from Allen Walker, "LEROO!"

"Whaaa-? He whipped his head around, thinking that the umbrella was still there somewhere. The others looked at him with a confused expression. Komui jumped into the room and said, "Ha! That's what you get for violating my Lenalee!" He gave an evil laugh, his eyes glinting maliciously behind his glasses. Lavi off the couch laughing. He was also annoyed about their make-out session. Allen was one of his best friends, but that didn't mean they weren't after the same girl.

"Gah!" Allen felt his back for the little rectangular thingamajig. Miranda reached over, "Here." She patted his back between his blades.

"Lero. Lero. Lero."

Allen and Lavi sat glumly in Lavi's room. They were going to play cards with Krory and Marie, but the other two ditched because Komui's invention was very irritating.

"Thanks for not leaving me like those two." Allen said gratefully to his redheaded friend.

"Dude, this is my room." Lavi reminded him.

"Oh, right. Sorry…"

"Nah, I think Lero's kinda cute. But any ideas on how you can make that thing shut up?" Lavi poked Allen's back.

"Superglue, remember? And…seriously? Lero's _cute_?" The white-haired Exorcists absent-mindedly shuffled a deck of cards, trying to ignore the voice coming from his back.

HIII-YAHHH!" Lavi suddenly smashed his hammer into his friend's back. Allen fell over, gasping. He wheezed for a while, then shouted, "Shit, that hurt! And was unnecessary!"

"Actually, I think it worked." The device was destroyed. Torn wires stuck out of it, their frayed ends sizzling.

"Are you sure you didn't just make it mutated?" Allen was skeptical. Most of Komui's inventions were even more messed up unless they were reduced to a pile of ashes. As he said it, the wire ends shot sparks at Lavi.

"Owww!" He backed away.

"That's what you get for nearly fracturing my spine. It still hurts, you know?"

Reever burst in with a can of…something. "Wow, so it already became mutated. Here, use this superglue antidote."

"You can unglue glue?" Allen's eyes widened, but he was too happy to think too much about it. He grabbed the can, pulled his shirt up and tried to put the watery paste on his back, but couldn't reach.

"Ow! I can't really turn. It hurts." He handed the antidote back to Reever, "can you do it for me?"

Lavi asked Reever, "Why did you give that antidote to him? You know that Komui's gonna kill you if he finds out."

"Well, better than having to listen to it for the rest of my career at Headquarters, and having it possibly mutate and try to kill all of us. By the way, Komui made this thing super-durable, so you might wanna take extra precautions when disposing of it."

The three of them put it through a metal-shredding machine, then burned it into ashes in a 10000° oven. The ashes were then put in an air-tight container and dumped in a dumpster for highly hazardous chemical waste. Allen Walker watched in satisfaction as that annoying torture device disappeared from his life for good, or at least until Komui tried to plant one on someone again.

The next chapter will probably be the last, unless I suddenly have inspiration. Please review! (This means you, Hoppip.)


	10. Marriage?

"I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! EVERYONE IN HEADQUARTERS PLEASE MEET IN THE SCIENCE DEPARTMENT!" Komui's voice boomed over their newly installed PA system.

Allen Walker wondered if there was a massive akuma attack or something, but decided against it since Komui didn't sound very worried. But then, he rarely sounded worried, not even when he had turned pretty much everyone at Headquarters into zombies. And when he had accidentally ordered a robot to kill Allen. Actually, that wasn't really an accident. Allen shuddered and hurred towards the Science Department.

He sat at a table with Kanda, Lavi and Marie. Lenalee and Miranda came in and sat at a table next to them, "What's happening?"

"Attention!" Komui stood in the center with Renee smiling weakly beside him, "Renee and I are engaged! Our marriage is planned for next Saturday."

Everyone glanced around at each other, thinking they heard wrong. Komui? Getting married? Murmurs of "What?" "Holy crap…" "Gotta be kidding me!" "He's kidding right?" spread across the room like wildfire. Lenalee looked like she was going to faint.

Komui looked impatiently at his audience, "Isn't anyone gonna congratulate me?"

It was suddenly deathly silent. Lavi piped up, "Does that mean I can date Lenalee now?"

Allen slapped him, "No, I'm dating her!"

"SHUT UP. LENALEE IS NOT UP FOR A BOYFRIEND YET. AND SHE WON'T BE ANYTIME SOON." Komui glared at them through his glinting glasses.

"That's not fair…" Lenalee argued.

It was Saturday. The dining hall was transformed into a beautiful room with roses, translucent white tablecloths, and gilded white columns etched with flowers. Reever, in a dark blue suit, clutched a sheet of paper nervously. He was in charge of performing the 10-page long wedding speech. They hired a minister from a nearby church to do it, but Kanda scared him off by attacking him with his sword before the minister had a chance to explain that he WASN'T an akuma, nor did he know what an akuma is.

Komui wrote the seating plans, so Lavi, Allen Walker and Cross Marian sat together in the back corner. Lenalee sat in the corner at the far end. Of course he wouldn't let any bad people sit near his little sister. Reever was supposed to be the best man at first, but there had a been a last minute change of plans and Bak ended up doing it. Renee flew in one of her best Finders from America as a bridesmaid.

(You can skip the next three paragraphs. They're just part of a very boring wedding speech.) "Friends, Komui Lee and Renee Epstein have invited us here today to share in the celebration of their wedding.

We come together not to mark the start of a relationship, but to recognize a bond that already exists. This marriage is one expression of the many varieties of love. Love is one, though its expressions are infinite.

It is fitting to speak briefly about love. We live in a world of joy and fear and search for meaning and strength in the seeming disorder. We discover the truest guideline to our quest when we realize love in all its magnitudes. Love is the eternal force of life. Love is the force that allows us to face fear and uncertainty with courage." Reever spoke in a weird monotone voice. Halfway through the 20-minute speech, he suddenly had a weird expression on his face.

"Ow!" Reever threw out a little rectangular thingy with sparks flying off of it.

"GAAAAAAH!" Allen Walker's eyes widened in horror as he recognized the device hurtling towards him. It was that invention that imitated Lero! Lavi also realized what it was. He smashed his hammer down on it in a split second decision.

"What-" Cross Marian, wearing a black suit with a striped tie and dozing off in boredom from the speech, rubbed his hand when one of the sparks hit him, "I'm guessing that's one of the groom's inventions."

"Sorry!" Reever cringed, "I couldn't memorize 10 pages in a few hours, so I modified the Lero II."

Tapp rushed over to their table dispose of it. Komui and Renee decided to skip the rest of the speech to the "I do" part and their own speeches.

When it was Komui's turn, he said, "I wrote a poem for this wedding. Please enjoy.

You are my sun, to you I'll always run.

I look up at the stars and I'll know where you are.

I love Lenalee too, but not as much I want to marry you.

Lenalee is beautiful, she is constantly chased by men who are evil.

I must protect my two favourite women from other men."

(I made this poem horrible on purpose.)

Komui paused here to glare at Allen's table.

Lavi and Cross tried to hold in their laughter and turned red. Allen was also blushing from embarrassment. Renee had her hands on her hips, clearly not happy that Komui was always talking about his Lenalee. After all, they were the couple, and Lenalee was just the little sister.

"Um…I think you can stop now. Renee can have her words." Reever glanced nervously from Komui to Renee.

Komui shook his finger at him, "I'll just say the last line. I love you Renee, this is a very happy day."

Allen breathed a sigh of relief. Their supervisor was a terrible poet, but at least he didn't mention Lenalee in the end.

Reever started talking again, "For the wedding favours, I will give everyone key chains with charms on them. I'm giving everyone 10 minutes to exchange charms. Weddings are a great time to make new friends."

Allen's had a boot, a music note and a cake on his. He smiled when he saw Lenalee walking towards him. The two of them were about to exchange the boot for a star when Komui stalked in between them.

"Lenalee! Did you not listen to my beautiful poem? I must protect you from evil men."

"I-I just wanted to get that boot charm." Lenalee explained. Komui grabbed the boot from Allen's hand and handed it to her, "There! Now, um, why don't you dance with…" Komui looked around. He didn't want Lenalee to dance with a male, "How about Cecilia?"

Allen poked Komui, "Shouldn't you be with your new wife instead of your sister?" He pointed to a very annoyed Renee Epstein. Komui sighed and stalked off.

"I still can't believe he's getting married." Miranda and Marie joined them.

"Yeah, he's giving me lectures about how bad dating is." Lenalee shook her head. Allen gave a dry laugh at that. Lenalee smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Fortunately for them, the groom wasn't there to witness it.

The rest of the wedding wasn't that eventful. A robot cut the cake, and you can imagine what happened, but it was expected. After all, Komui's the groom. The people trickled out of the room afterwards. Komui and Renee went to his room. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Allen was about to take Lenalee to his bedroom when Reever brushed by, whispering, "There are hidden cameras installed in Lenalee's room and all of the men's."

Allen Walker sighed. They decided to take over Miranda's room. Again, leaving the rest to your imagination. Oh, and Miranda and Marie weren't very happy when they walked in on them. After all, no one would be if he/she walked in on two people doing whatever your dirty minds are thinking about on his/her bed.

This is probably not the last chapter, because I still want to write a chapter about their honeymoon. Oh, and I should mention that Komui will probably never get married in the actual manga and anime.


	11. Why we don't bring robots on honeymoons

Komui and Renee were going on their honeymoon the day after the wedding. Surprise, Komui finally married. They were going on a 2-week vacation to Italy and Switzerland, with a 3-day cruise in the Mediterranean in the middle.

After the two newlyweds left, Allen Walker found Lenalee in her room with Cecilia. They were giggling while throwing clothes either in a suitcase or in a growing heap on Lenalee's bed.

"Can't believe your brother finally left. What are you packing for?" The white-haired teenager waved at the two of them.

"Oh, Nii-san's gonna come running back around an hour after he leaves, sobbing that he misses me. I'm just preparing for when he drags me on his honeymoon with him." Lenalee explained. Allen glanced at Timcanpy, who quickly opened his mouth to project a holographic digital clock. At the same time, they heard Komui yelling, "LENALEEEEEEEEEE!"

It was exactly an hour. "Oh, crap! I can't be seen near your room!" Allen backed out and turned around, walking into his supervisor. Who, surprisingly, ignored him. Komui tugged on Lenalee's arm, "I missed you so much! I can't leave for two weeks…I just can't…"

Renee stepped into the room, not happy that her new husband was ditching her for his little sister. Again. She sighed, "How about Lenalee comes with us? It's just as well since we'll pretty vulnerable to akuma if there's no Exorcists with us. After all, we're both supervisors."

"Where am I staying?" Lenalee asked them.

"How about in our room?" Komui suggested.

"NOOOO!" Renee and Lenalee protested at the same time. Renee said, "She can have her own room near us."

"Nah, that's not really safe. Maybe one of my robots can stay with her."

"That's even more dangerous…" Cecilia muttered. She still remembered how the Exorcists recruited her. And that freaky Innocence Tracker that tried to kill her. "Hey, maybe I can go with her! I've always wanted to go on a cruise."

"Actually, that's a good idea." Komui smiled. The four of them left for Italy.

Bak called Allen, Lavi, Krory and Miranda down to his temporary office a few minutes later.

"There's been some possible akuma activities around the Mediterranean area lately. I want you guys to check it out. Only three or four of you have to go, so you can decide." The Asian Headquarters supervisor told them.

"That's where Lenalee is…" Lavi said.

The four Exorcists ran to their rooms to pack and set out for their train an hour later.

They got there around 6:00. Renee hummed as she unpacked her things. She gave Komui a light kiss, "I'm going to take a walk around the hotel, see what it has. You coming?"

Komui nodded. The two of them walked hand in hand out of the room and tripped over Allen Walker's suitcase. Timcanpy, who was resting on top of it, flew up angrily.

"What are you doing here?" The supervisor glared at them.

"Hi! We're here on a mission to track down akuma." Krory grinned at him, "Do you if they have a buffet here?"

Cecilia had also come out of her and Lenalee's room, "I saw one on the way up! We should eat dinner together."

"Sure! I'll go unpack first." Miranda nodded.

"How about you six eat together and we find another restaurant?" Renee suggested. She didn't want Komui to be distracted by Lenalee the entire meal.

"No!" I must protect my Lenaleeeee."

Renee sighed and dragged him off anyway. Komui yelled at them, "But remember, I can pop in any time! Like a ninja!"

"Then we might mistake you for an akuma and kill you by accident." Lenalee reminded him. The six Exorcists grinned triumphantly when the supervisors left. But then, Komui shouldn't have been worried. Yet. The three girls discussed what dresses they were bringing to the cruise for the formal night. Allen and Krory only paid attention to their food. They went to their rooms afterwards. Allen, Lavi and Krory shared a room that was right beside Lenalee and Cecilia's while Miranda had one all to her self. Krory ended up sleeping on a cot, which might've been better than Allen and Lavi sharing a twin-sized bed. Actually, it was more like two twin-sized mattresses stacked together. Oh, by the way, Krory snores. None of them could sleep very well, not even Krory, because Lavi kept on kicking him. Allen sighed and went outside to get food. He was soon joined by Krory.

"I should've eaten more at dinner." Allen muttered.

"The buffet chefs wouldn't let us, remember? We pretty much ate everything."

"Thrue. Oh vell, they puth outh tomorrow's brehfast already. Buth why are there only 50 muffinth? That's only enough for me and you." Allen mumbled through a piece of buttered bagel, then washed it down with a pitcher of milk. Krory wrinkled his nose and said through his toast, "I thoughth you had good mannerth."

Allen shrugged and teased, "That's only when there's a lot of good-mannered people around. And your manners are worse than mine, so yeah."

They headed back to their room. Krory heard a rustling noise behind their coats and looked in the closet to investigate. There was a door that led to Lenalee and Cecilia's room! He opened it.

"We couldn't sleep. Cecilia snores a lot apparently." Lenalee explained.

"I think we should change beds then." Allen and Lavi were also awake, "Hey, I have a great idea!" Allen pushed Lavi off and dragged the second mattress off the first. Now they had a double-twin-sized sleeping area. Although Krory's cot was pushed into the corner.

"No worries, I'll go to Miranda's room. She has a twin-size too. And she's a really deep sleeper." Krory said as he went through the girls' room to open the closet door that joined to Miranda's room. Cecilia also joined them, "I don't snore if I wake up then fall asleep again. It's weird."

Allen said, "Well, Lavi always slaps me in his sleep."

Cecilia shrugged, "I'll trade you."

The next morning, Allen woke up to a huge shadow blocking their doorway. He shook Lenalee, "There's an akuma!"

Allen shot a volley of bullets at the shape and was met by Komui's wail, "Nooo! Not again!"

"I think that was one of the robots." Lenalee whispered.

"Whoopsie." Allen tried to jump under the bed before Komui could come in, but then there was no "under the bed". The supervisor found him trying to crawl under a mattress.

"We weren't doing anything! Really!" Lenalee told her brother. It was true. They were both tired after their train ride, and fell asleep soon after on different mattresses. Well, try explaining that to an overprotective brother. Lenalee and Renee cringed as another mutated Innocence Tracker chased Allen around the room. How many of those did Komui make?


	12. Attack of the akuma and seagull poop

"I've never been on a cruise before!" Lenalee said happily to Miranda and Cecilia. The three girls were riding in a horse-drawn carriage to their Mediterranean cruise.

"Did you guys bring any dresses? I heard that there's one formal night but I didn't bring anything for it." Miranda said anxiously. Unlike the other two Exorcists, she wasn't there to accompany Komui on his honeymoon. She was there with Allen, Lavi and Krory for a mission. However, they ended up doing everything together.

"It's okay. Lenalee and I both brought two dresses, so you can pick one of ours." Cecilia reassured her, "Hmm, I brought heels for the formal night, but I don't think it's a good idea to wear them because we might have to fight. I'm kinda nervous. I've been training for a few months, but I haven't really come face-to-face with more than one akuma at a time yet."

Their carriage stopped. "We're here!" The three of them tumbled out of the carriage, grabbed their suitcases and rushed towards the luxurious ocean liner that awaited them.

The minute the ship started moving, Lavi turned green, "I feel sick."

He ran up to the railing and started puking. Krory winced, "Huh, never knew he got seasick before. Sucks."

Suddenly, a splatter of seagull crap fell on the deck, covering the puking redhead. The others winced as well. Komui looked around, "Hey, where's all the other passengers?"

Renee frowned, "I'm guessing a lot of them cancelled the trip because of the recent akuma attacks. There's been a total of 34 fishing boats, with the fishers inside, that have disappeared, and one cruise. I don't know if anyone survived. There's probably not a lot of customers for cruises in these areas now."

Lavi, still green, lurched towards them, "I'm gonna find a bucket. And our room, so I can shower. Those seagulls are disgusting." He shook his head, sending still warm droplets of poop flying from his hair. Allen backed away and handed him the keys. Miranda quickly pushed her friends under the cover of the roof as another round of seagull crap fell, this time probably from seagulls that have diarrhea.

Allen shuddered at the near miss, then took out a bag of chips and offered some to the others. One of the braver seagulls dived down and grabbed the bag out of his hands.

"Stupid bird…" He muttered. Komui got out one of the camera-ish devices that the Finders used and froze all the gulls into glassy boxes, "There!"

Almost instantly more seagulls came to avenge their frozen friends, squawking angrily and dropping their poop everywhere. Komui trapped as many of them as he could while running, screaming, down the hall. The others chased after him, unwilling to be a victim.

The Exorcists and their supervisors were getting ready for formal night. The guys didn't do much except put on a tie, but the girls were serious about it. Since their job is basically saving the world from evil, it didn't leave much time to be girly. That doesn't mean they aren't. Miranda had borrowed Lenalee's black dress that had a wrap-around skirt. Lenalee wore a light turquoise dress that dipped low in the back. Cecilia took an hour choosing between her two and finally decided on a silver one-shouldered dress. Now they were doing random things to their hair.

Komui came to knock on their door. Lenalee opened it and gasped. His brother was nothing but swimming trunks, and looked just as shocked to see her as she did seeing him. Renee was wearing a one-piece swimsuit that had cut-outs on the side.

"I was just here to tell you that the ship decided to change their theme to a more casual one…Well, the theme's pool party. Just so you know."

Cecilia, having spent her afternoon doing her makeup, her hair, her dress-altering, her shoes, her manicure, her waxing, her pedicure, her other waxing and etcetera, wailed in anguish. She was definitely the most serious about the occasion. Now they were just going to go swimming and ruin it all. Well, at least the pain of waxing paid off. And the pain of forcing Lenalee and Miranda to also wax.

"Er…What am I going to wear? I didn't bring any swimsuits." Lenalee reminded him.

"It's okay! I brought this!" Komui smiled as he presented a wet suit complete with flippers, a cap, a diving mask, and even custom padding around the waist and thighs to prevent his little sister from looking hot. Miranda whipped out a one-piece and a tankini(I doubt they had bikinis back then since it's the 19th century), much to Komui's despair. She said, "I brought an extra! I read that there was a great swimming pool in here so I was prepared." She pretended to not see Komui's murderous glare.

"Thanks!" Lenalee said, also ignoring Komui. They changed and ran to the pool. Their companions were already there, as well as a few other people brave enough to come on a possibly haunted cruise. They wore comfortable strappy sandals, just in case they needed to fight.

"Why is it so dark…" Allen's voice trailed off as he glanced up. There was a window in the ceiling that under normal circumstances would provide a lot of light, but was now covered in seagull poop. Okay, freezing them had been a really bad idea. Apparently it didn't stop their poop from penetrating the barrier they were trapped in. Then his eyes widened, "Akuma!"

A high-pitched scream rang out from the hot tubs. They turned to see purple beams of light, shooting through the walls. The Exorcists quickly activated their Innocence and bravely ran in to face the enemy. Which happened to be one level one akuma. It glanced up and was soon reduced to a pile of sand as Krory jumped on it, sucking its blood.

"Is that…all?" Lenalee asked Allen, surprised.

"Strangely, yes. At least that's the only one I sensed around here. But aren't some of them immune to my left eye now?"

Lavi flicked his hammer, "It's possible that the level one was the one responsible for everything. It takes around 100 kills to evolve into a level 2. You would've thought it killed that many since it took down a cruise, but maybe the people drowned before he could kills them directly. Bookman told me the akuma only evolve if they killed enough people directly. Like if it sets a building on fire, the people in the building don't count. It only counts if the akuma sets a human on fire. A level one can only do that if it's in human form. Don't worry, Allen, if there was a level three or four there would've been a lot more damage."

"Great, so six of us came to kill something even Komui's retarded robots could kill. You know, if Komui didn't modify them to see Allen Walker as their

only target." Cecilia gave a little laugh, "I guess that's a good thing though. If it was a really powerful akuma, we might've gotten hurt."

Lavi nodded in agreement, ran to the deck to puke, then quickly ran back

inside to find a bucket. There were just way to many seagulls out there.


	13. Fundrasier ft a lot of whipped cream

Bak called Allen Walker's golem the day after their cruise was over, "I want you and all the other Exorcists there to come back as soon as possible."

"We already bought tickets though!" Allen protested. He didn't want to sound whiny, but he wanted to crash in on his supervisor's honeymoon a little longer. It would be nice to relax for another week, away from the stress that came with being an Exorcist.

"Johnny can trade in your tickets right now. The thing is, we're way past our budget. The honeymoon is a lot more expensive than we planned at first, and we invested a lot of money into fixing the Ark. I also sent Tiedoll and Cross on a mission to Las Vegas. You know your master, so I think I don't need to elaborate." Bak explained sheepishly. If this was an anime, Allen would become a chibi and have gray lines drip down his forhead. He mumbled a yes and turned off Timcanpy's speaker.

"It's nice to be back." Miranda smiled at her companions as they made their way through the familiar halls. Lenalee nodded as she finally clicked her golem off from talking to her brother. She soon groaned in frustration as Komui called her again, for the one hundred and sixth time since she went on the train, less than a minute later.

"Hey, Allen and Krory, you guys wanna come to my room later?" Lavi asked, looking around, "Allen? Krory? Where did you go?"

Of course they were looking for food in the kitchen. Cecilia, also being a parasitic-type, was there too. Unfortunately, for once the chef couldn't provide them with everything they wanted. He shrugged apogetically, "I didn't buy any food yesterday because Bak-chan give me enough money."

The three parasitic-types instantly broke into tears.

"Hey, it's not my fault all of you spent so much money on your vacation while I slaved away here."

By now Bak and the others were also there, "I was thinking we could do a fundraiser. Central won't make any more transactions to our account for the rest of the month, so we're broke."

"Krory pondered this for a while, "Maybe we can work in Cecilia's restaurant."

"NOOO!" Cecilia gasped, horrified. Allen and Lenalee tried to look as innocent as possible as Krory, Miranda and Lavi had puzzled expressions and their faces. She suggested, so they wouldn't feel bad, "We could do a baking sale though. My dad has this secret coconut cheesecake recipe."

Allen brightened, "So what are the ingredients?"

"I have no idea. It's passed down to the next owner of the restaurant when the previous one is on their deathbed. Which hopefully my dad isn't." She brightened, "But I know he uses flour and cheese!"

The chef shook his head slightly bemusedly. He spoke up, "Maybe your dad can make some for us. I'll get some recipes for you to help me cook."

The next morning, everyone was making food. The science lab was transformed into a huge kitchen, and not a particularly safe one at that. Beakers that were hastily shoved to the side balanced dangerously at the edge of the tables.

Kanda dumped an entire bag of sugar into a bowl and said in his annoyed voice, "How the hell am I supposed to measure enough sugar for a tablespoon?"

Reever rushed over, with a horrified expression, "A tablespoon is 30 mL!"

His expression was then matched by all the other people who couldn't use measuring equipment properly. The majority of them quickly shoved whatever they were making behind their backs, unwilling to admit that they had no idea what a tablespoon was. Allen and Krory took a different approach. They dunked their heads into their bowls and ate up the evidence in a split second. Then their eyes boggled out and they clutched their throats, gasping for water. Since they didn't measure it properly, both of them ended up eating one of those huge packages of salt.

The chef came over to glare at them, "We ran out of most of the spices. You'd better not mess up again.'

"It's okay." Cecilia said cheerfully, "I stole my dad's spice rack." She was lugging a 3-meter long and 2-meter wide cabinet full of salt, sugar, cinnamon, cocoa, thyme, ginger, basil, wasabi, pepper, cumin, dill, and a million other spices. It literally weighed a ton. Fortunately for them, she had her Innocence. They wondered how it was possible to steal something the size of a grand piano. And was much heavier than one.

"Nice going…" Lavi wolf-whistled. He probably couldn't do that, althought he would never admit it. His Innocence wasn't built for it.

Now that they had everything, they went back to cooking. Allen and Krory were soon kicked out because they ate more than they baked. Half an hour later, everyone was done with their batter and those who needed an oven got ready to shove it into the 40-feet wide "oven" normally used for various chemical experiments that usually ended in a toxic explosion. They were skeptical about the cleanliness of the food, but shrugged it off. They weren't going to eat it anyway. Their customers won't know a thing. Miranda, the first one putting her pie in the oven, accidentally knocked over a beaker on her way.

"Everyone, dive for cover!" One of the people in the science branch screamed and dived into one of the many huge piles of paperwork. She then realized that paper was highly flammable and jumped back out, ran in circles for a while, and jumped under a table. All the other science people also began running in circles. The others didn't recognize the purple stuff in the beaker so they just looked slightly dazed and went under the tables.

There was a brilliant flash of white, followed by a silent billowing mushroom cloud explosion. A burnt cake/cookie/pie/various-other-random- desserts-and-snacks monster appeared from the smoke. The chemical that had tipped over was the contagious zombie disease formula that had caused pretty much the entire population at headquarters to become zombies. Fortunately for the people cowering underneath the tables, most of their food was still intact and were now a nice shade of golden brown, baked by the heat of the explosion. Unfortunately, the growling monster had started biting its fellow desserts, who once bitten also lurched towards the people in a zombified motion.

"Quick! Inject the antidote into whatever sprayable container you can find and shoot it at them!" Reever shouted and jumped heroically out from under the table. He grabbed a can of vanilla whipped cream, unscrewed the nozzle, poured in some purple liquid from a flask beside the can and started spraying as he tossed the flask to whoever was the closest to him. The others soon joined the science branch leader. Katy Perry suddenly appeared in the middle of the room with whipped cream on her boobs, spraying at the literal cookie monster as she sang California Girls (No, the last sentence did not happen, I just felt like adding it. It'll be interesting if it did though. That song's been stuck in my head for days.)

The burnt monster was defeated after a few minutes. All the other food were scattered across the floor, most of them still edible. Only now did everyone exchange bewildered looks. Another seemingly impossible event had happened due to a messed up science experiment, and this time Komui wasn't even _here_. Speaking of Komui, Lenalee finally checked in on her black golem's voice mail and discovered that it had short-circuited because it was a million messages over its memory capacity. She sighed and shook her head. Oh, Nii-san…He would be so worried now that her golem wouldn't function for a few days while someone fixed it for her.

Somehow, they still had a successful bake sale the next day. It raised a lot of money, but it just barely covered the expenses needed to repair the damage in the main science lab. They were going to have to do another, hopefully less chaotic, fundraiser soon.

Sorry I didn't update for a while, I'm in China right now and won't have as much time to add stuff on fanfiction as much as before. And it's freakishly hot here…Sad how I missed the Pretty Little Liars finale for a 12 hour plane ride.

I started a new story, check it out if you're a Death Note fan! Hope you enjoyed this chapter．


	14. Penguin Chase

Bak-chan had called all the Exorcists down to the science lab for a meeting. He had just gotten a notice from a pet-shelter place that was threatening to sue.

"Apparently there's some sort of an animal rights law that says we can't keep a penguin here because it's too different from its natural habitat. So I want you to put the penguin back where you found it, and get to know your way around the ark when you're at it."

"Penguin?" Miranda was puzzled, then remembered that at some point in the past month Allen had brought back a penguin.

They found themselves in a large, cavelike room with five tunnels snaking out.

"Huh, last time there was a long tunnel." Allen muttered.

Tiedoll began giving instructions, "Allen, you're with Cross. Kanda, Cecilia and Miranda. Lenalee and Lavi can go with me. Marie and Cloud Nyne, Zokaro, Bookman and Krory. Each group will take a different tunnel. General Cross can take the penguin, and we'll meet back here in six hours."

Allen Walker felt like dropping dead. First of all, how was he supposed to go six hours without eating? Second of all, he was stuck with Cross Marian. Again. Like he'd been pretty much as soon as Mana died. Third of all, the penguin was now crapping on his shoes while flapping its cute little flippers/wings.

Their tunnel led to a sparkly casino unrivalled by any other casino except maybe Las Vegas. And at least there was no cigarette smoke here. Wait, scratch that. The redheaded general soon erased that positive fact as he began chain smoking while looking at every machine.

"Allen, give me some money. I've gotta try out this machine." He snapped his fingers at the guy holding a penguin.

"No! We're here to return this penguin, not to gamble." Allen protested.

His former master quickly shot two bullets at him.

"AHHH! YOU IDIOT…" Allen ducked and activated his left arm to block it, "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THEM ON HUMANS!"

"I'll call off the bullets if you give me the coins." Cross shrugged.

"I know as well as you do that your stupid bullets won't stop just because you tell them to!" Allen snarled.

"Then just stop blocking them. They won't cause much damage to someone who isn't an akuma."

Allen sighed and stopped blocking. "OW! SHIT THAT HURTS!" He clutched his chest and fell over a roulette table. A few minutes later, he did a d. gray-man cross on every single casino machine, including Cross Marian. The penguin chirped in fear as the entire room went up in a spectacular explosion. It dropped another pile of poop on Allen's shoe. As the dust cleared, he saw a door framed in neon lights on the far side of the room. He picked his way over the debris to his master, who looked kinda dazed.

"Um…General Cross? I see the door…" He patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.

"BOOO!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Allen gave a girly shriek when the redhead jumped up at him.

After a good fight, the two of them went through the door. It looked like a normal bedroom…except a lot more jello-ish.

"Hey…Allen? I'm sinking". The General tapped Allen Walker's knee. He was halfway through the floor.

"Oh, really? Well that's too bad." Allen laughed devilishly. Cross Marian was sinking faster now and just as he was about to go through, he grabbed his companion's leg so that they both went through.

"Timcanpy!" Allen shouted and grabbed the golden golem. A glob of the jello-like substance went into this mouth and he noted that it was actually pretty yummy. So he reached up with his other hand (and dropping the penguin by accident) to stuff more into his mouth.

They found themselves in the white Greek-style street lined with whitewashed buildings that Allen had gone through the first time in the ark.

"Where's Timcanpy?" Allen gasped as he stood up. Cross Marian looked around and pointed to the penguin. It looked innocently at them as it spit out a golden feather.

"Poor Tim." He muttered and grabbed the penguin, trying to do the thrust you're supposed to do when someone's choking. Timcanpy popped out, pissed off but alive.

"Hey, General Cross, isn't that against an animal rights law too?" Allen asked. The redhead ignored him.

They selected a door at random and ended up in a beautiful mountain range whose slopes dropped away into a night sky. A layer of snow covered the peaks. The penguin let out a happy squeal and rolled around in the snow. Allen's eyes widened when it began rolling faster and faster down the slope.

"General Cross! Chase it!" He shouted at his companion. They skidded downwards after the penguin. Allen grabbed it with his Crown Clown just as it slipped over the edge. After they assured that that furball was safe, they looked for the exit. It was set in an icy cave deep in a mountain.

"Hey…we're in a pineapple under the sea." Allen said disbelievingly when they emerged on the other side.

"No, that's not-"Cross Marian began, then stopped. It _was_ possible, because that's where he found himself. In a pineapple under the sea, the two of them shrugged and went out of the tropical fruit.

"Where to?" Allen asked, partially to himself. On one side, there was half a rather round rock. On the other, a stone building that looked strangely like a very long face.

"Well, I guess we should try all the doors we see." The General suggested. He opened the door to the stone building and poked his head inside, then shook his head. Allen was kicking the rock, trying to open it. Timcanpy decided to help him and pressed a button, which somehow got the rock to flip up.

They continued along the road, opening doors at random. It appeared that pretty the entire Bikini Bottom was deserted. But of course, they didn't know it was called Bikini Bottom.

"Um, General Cross? I just noticed we haven't been breathing. 'Cause we're under the ocean." As the two of them grasped that fact, they suddenly began to hold their breath. Allen began to feel faint from the lack of oxygen.

"There…" General Cross pointed to a dome-shaped glass building with a tree in the middle. Allen used his Crown Clown to pry open the door, and they ran inside.

"Now what?" They glanced at each other.

"I'm so hungry…" Allen muttered. He wandered around and found a jar of peanuts. Sandy was going to be quite mad about that. However, none of them knew they were currently trespassing on an underwater squirrel's property.

He climbed the tree, and gave a surprised yelp when he fell through a hollow in the trunk and ended up in the cave the Exorcists started in.

"You're here!" Cecilia and Miranda said joyfully almost at the same time. Kanda just looked up, snorted, and went back to staring into space.

"Where's the General?" Cecilia asked.

"He should be-" Allen got cut off when his former master made a grand entrance, unlike Allen's sloppy fall.

"Hey everyone! Oh, good, Cecilia, you're here! I missed you." He said and kissed the top of the girl's head, which made her blush. Allen groaned at the sappiness of it.

All the other groups began to arrive. Lavi announced, "We found a place with penguins! We came here from there, so we should put the penguin back before the ark shifts its rooms again."

Allen spoke up, "I can sense the exit to Headquarters. It's really close, no more than two rooms away, through that tunnel. Some of you guys should leave because by the time we're finished putting it back it might have moved."

Cross stood up, "I'll escort the ladies back."

"Oh, no you won't." Allen glared at him.

"It's okay, Allen, you should really trust him more." Cecilia ressured him. Although he wasn't really ressured.

"Well, then I guess I'll show you the penguin place."Lavi suggested. He waved a goodbye to the people leaving for Headquarters and led the way with Tiedoll and Lenalee to the "penguin place".

Halfway there, Lenalee shouted in surprise, "Where's my golem?"

Allen sighed. Sure enough, the penguin had eaten it. Which reminded him, he was really hungry. And one jar of peanuts was nowhere near enough. He got the penguin to spit out the golem. Unfortunately, it began to wheeze and flopped onto the ground, looking dead. Tiedoll ended up performing CPR on it.

They found the penguin room without any more disturbances, unless you count that the penguin took a liking to pooping on everyone's shoes. The Exorcists waved at the cute little furball when they put him back. Because after all, even though it had caused them a lot of inconveniences, penguins _are_ adorable in general.

Allen guided them through the rooms that would take them back. Unfortunately, he and Krory fainted just before they arrived.

It's been a while since I last updated this story, sorry if I made you guys wait. I've been doing more reading and less writing on fanfiction lately.

As a side note, the Pocky here is amazing. They have so many flavours, and it tastes a lot better than the ones in Canada for some reason. So my goal this summer is to eat all the Pocky flavours I can find. So far, there's been: chocolate, milk, strawberry, banana, blueberry, mocha, red wine and coffee flavour.

Anyway, if you had enough time to read my rant on Pocky (which could be a lot longer if I didn't refrain myself), let's hope you have enough time to review.


	15. General Cross' lack of hair

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man. If I did, it would be either:

an incredibly depressing anime with an AllenxRoad pairing where the Noah end up taking over the world and everyone dies, except maybe Allen and Road,

or B) a somewhat pointless comedy like Headquarters. With a lot more pervertedness than the original anime, as you can tell.

I do, however, own the ideas for this fanfiction. I should really post more disclaimers, but I keep on forgetting.

Allen Walker woke up to see two blurry hot women peering down at him. Was he in heaven? If so, why the hell was he dead? No, this made no sense. He wasn't the type that lusted after random chicks; that was General Cross. As his vision cleared, he was surprised to discover that the two women were Lenalee and Miranda. Wearing rather skimpy clothes. And a lot more makeup than they usually wore, which was none.

"Why are you guys dressed like that?" He was slightly bewildered.

"Oh, it's for a fundraiser for Headquarters. General Cross' idea." Lenalee replied and smiled, "Cecilia's still outside."

"Wait, h-how exactly are you doing that?" Allen ran his fingers through his hair nervously. He somehow didn't want to know.

"A cartwash. Well, do you need anything? Oh, how could I forget, I brought you this." Lenalee held out a heaping plate of food. Allen smiled gratefully and finished it in a few seconds.

"Oh, why did I faint anyway?" He asked after he finished eating.

"Nothing serious. Some mild frostbite, injuries from an anti-akuma weapon, malnutrition, eating a jello-like poisonous substance…" Miranda told him.

"SO THIS IS GENERAL CROSS MARIAN'S FAULT!" The white-haired Exorcist shouted and ran out of the room.

When he got outside, he realized he had no idea where the cartwash was taking place. But he could guess. He wandered into town and noticed a trail of horse-drawn carriages going towards the road where Cecilia's family's restaurant was.

Lenalee and Miranda had already gotten there, thanks to Lenalee's Dark Boots. Or, the crystalized version of them. Nor did she wear her black tights. Both Lenalee and Cecilia wore the skirts from their Exorcist uniforms, strappy sandals and a tank top. Miranda had on a black minidress. Allen watched in horror as they sponged up and rinsed carts, carriages and horses. Why did they have to be so _graceful? _Even Miranda tripped on flat surfaces a lot less now.

Cecilia's cry broke his thoughts, "I'm _not _getting into your damn carriage, nor am I going to your room for some wine, you perv!" A loud banging noise came with the last word and a wealthy-looking man around 30 years old flew out of his carriage and landed in a heap where Allen noted several other men lay unconcious. The man's jet-black horse whinnied and galloped off.

"Jeez, there's so many pimps theses days." Cecilia sighed and shook her head dramatically. Lenalee and Miranda nodded in agreement and said, "I know right?"

"How many of those people were there exactly?" Allen asked weakly.

"Oh, five to ten per day. We wash, I don't know, around a hundred carts per day. There's a lot more people than that who ask us out subtlely, and we let them go." Cecilia shrugged. Allen suddenly felt like fainting again.

"It's okay, Allen, you know I wouldn't go off with them." Lenalee smiled at him, her now waist-length hair swishing.

"Hey, Allen!" Cross Marian chose this moment to wander onto the scene with a bottle of beer in his hand, "Isn't this a _great _idea?"

Without further conversation, Allen activated his Innocence and went at his former master. Their skills were pretty much equal in battle, so if no one interfered they could go on for a very long time. And although given the circumstances that Allen had recently fainted, the General would probably win, but he felt kinda bad for neary killing his former apprentice, but of course he would never tell anyone that. Everyone nearby watched in amazement as bolts of energy flashed between the two people. They were pretty much always in the air, landing occasionally only to leap up again.

Everyone was so enthralled, or, for some of them, freaked out, that no one noticed that a group of level one akumas had attacked the pile of perverts that lay in the corner.

"WHAT IS THIS?" A person roared.

"Oh my god, it's my dad!" Cecilia whispered in shock and dove into the first horse-drawn cart she could reach.

"H-hi, Mr. Roberts (I have decided that Roberts is Cecilia's last name. Because I just noticed I never gave her one)!" Lenalee stuck out a hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asked suspiciously, then pointed his thumb at the group of akuma, "And what are those?"

"Gah! Allen, there's an akuma attack!" Lenalee shrieked as she activated the red rings around her ankles.

The two people beating each other stopped, then Allen took this chance to throw General Cross onto the wall with the pile of ashes that were formerly perverts with his Crown Clown.

"Where's my daughter?"

"WATCH OUT!" Lenalee dove on top of him to avoid a stream of those purple bullets.

Suddenly, Kanda appeared and smashed up all the akuma in a graceful arc.

"I was supposed to tell you that Komui and Renee are coming back early. They should be arriving in 5 minutes at the Black Order headquarters and I'm pretty sure Komui made it very clear he wanted you to greet him there."Kanda said as he sheathed his Mugen.

"HURRY UP, LENALEE! GOO BEFORE KOMUI COMES!" Allen shouted. He knew they were going to be in serious trouble if their supervisor found out how they managed to raise that much money.

"Heeey everyone!~ My train arrived early! Reever said I could come here to look for you! Oh, Lenalee, I missed you sooo much!" The green-haired girl was engulfed in a crushing hug.

"You're wet! And what are you wearing?" Komui looked at his little sister's skimpy attire with horror.

"We're holding a cartwash…to raise money…Nii-san, I missed you too! Wow, you got a tan." She smiled weakly, trying to change to subject.

"WHO'S. IDEA. IS. THIS." Komui growled.

Lenalee, Miranda and Allen pointed to General Cross and General Cross pointed to Allen. Cecilia didn't do anything because she didn't want General Cross to get into trouble. She still had a crush on him. Kanda just muttered, "Che."

Komui whipped out a bubbling beaker and threw its liquid contents at the General. An annoyingly girly sparkling pink mist surrounded him. A large crowd was now gathered at the section of the road that first was a cartwash, then became a fighting stadium for Allen and Cross Marian, was attacked by a group of weird puffy things and finally a weird pink cloud engulfed a redhaired man. And, as some of the women in the crowd noted, he was actually rather sexy. But then he wasn't, because all of his hair fell out thanks to Komui's pink potion.

Allen was so happy that he high-fived Komui, and Kanda smirked in amusement. He was a sadist and was pretty much happy whenever someone he didn't like suddenly ended up bald, chased by their supervisor's robots, as well other misfortunes. And as far as everyone else was concerned, he didn't like anyone. And Kanda would never let anyone know who he liked.

Meanwhile, Cecilia had run over to the General and was convincing him that she would like him no matter what his hair was like, or whether or not he even had hair.

I had no idea how this chapter was going to end when I started it, so I hope you like how it turned out! Reviews are very welcome.~

For the record, I don't actually support the LenaleexAllen pairing that much. (sorry to readers that love that pairing…especially Lenalee lee- x3-AllenWalker, I really appreciate your reviews though.) But that's the classic, and it's fun to write because of Komui's sister complex. My favourite pairing's AllenxRoad. But that's not going to happen in Headquarters, because it requires too much explanation. So I'll write a one-sided Yullen chapter soon. Kanda being the one side :D


	16. Love Potion

Komui Lee forced Reever to tell the Exorcists the bad news. Kanda's room had flooded after a pip had burst and he would have to share a room with Allen, which was the one least likely to be affected by that flood. Which also meant they had to share a bathroom.

Kanda tried to ignore the younger Exorcist when he came out of the shower with a towel. He also tried to ignore the fact that Allen had really nice abs and arm muscles. (they're nicer in the manga than in the anime ^_^)

"Jesus, idiot beansprout, don't you have any discretion? And why do you have to shower at night?" Kanda muttered and looked away when an embarrassed blush spread across his cheeks.

"Look, baka, it's my bedroom and I don't even want you here! So suck it up." Allen shot back.

Of course neither of them slept that night. Kanda's eyes shot daggers at Allen's back. _Why _did that beansprout have to be actually kinda, okay, no, really, sexy? (and personally I don't like Allen THAT much. Tyki Mikk's hotter). Allen tossed and turned uncomfortably as he tried to ignore the fact that his new roommate was staring at him all night long. They both had to suppress an urge several times that night to get up and murder the other person in the room.

The next day, Kanda invited himself over to Lavi's room at 10am. Of course the Mugen-carrying Exorcist didn't consider himself to have any friends, but if he did Lavi would totally be his BFF. The redhead had just showered and was also wearing only a towel tied around his hips. Kanda blushed and tried to ignore the fact that Lavi also had a nice body.

"Lavi, do you think the beansprout is gay?" Kanda asked him.

Lavi's eyes grew huge and he nearly choked on his own spit. After around 10 seconds, he finally said, "Gay as in happy or gay as in…gay?"

"Of course gay as in gay. Who says gay as in happy anymore?"

Lavi took one long look at Kanda, "Yuu, Allen's the straightest guy I've ever met."

"Oh…" Kanda shifted from one foot to the other.

"Oh my gawd, Yuu, is that disappointment I sense?" A devilish grin spread across the redhead's face.

"You…NEVER EVER F*ING CALL ME THAT AGAIN." Kanda shouted.

"Holy crap you like Allen! No, you love him!" Lavi practically sang out as he laughed. So hard that tears came into his eyes, "Oh, God, I would have never imagined…"

He grabbed his golem and called up Timcanpy.

"Hey Lavi! You nearly made me drop my pencil." Allen scolded as he put the finishing touches on his eyeliner. He wondered which colour Kanda would like more. The classic black, or a deep blue-grey that was similar to his eye colour?

Lavi was surprised. What pencil? Was Allen doing art now? "Allen, you would never believe what I just heard! Yuu-" He was cut off in the middle of his sentence and Kanda tacked Lavi.

"What about me?" Allen asked, thinking Lavi said "You". He heard some noises in the background, followed by something that sounded like a scream, then the line went dead. The Exorcist shrugged. He put a glob of hair gel into his palm and worked it into his hair.

Then Lenalee barged into his room. Her already-big brown eyes got huge when she saw that her boyfriend was wearing…eyeliner. And there was definitely product in his hair. Or ex-boyfriend. That was why she was here.

"Allen, have you ever wondered that maybe we don't fit together as well as we thought at first?" Lenalee said slowly. She didn't want to hurt Allen Walker's feelings. He was also her best friend.

"Oh good, I was just thinking the same thing! How about a break?" He said cheerfully. He reached up and made his hair even spikier.

"Um…sure! Still friends?" Lenalee was surprised by the turn of events. But also relieved.

"Can I talk to you?" Allen said when she got up to leave.

"Of course!" Lenalee smiled at him.

"Do you think it's weird if I like, um, Kanda?" Allen asked nervously.

Lenalee nearly fainted. Although she had nothing against Allen being gay, she would have never believed it if someone told her he loved _Kanda._ They were like enemies! But he said so himself, that he liked his current roommate.

"It's okay, I know it's really weird. Sorry I brought it up." Allen lowered his head.

"No, it's fine! I support you! And Nii-san would be estatic." Lenalee reassured him. She skipped out of the room.

In the hall, Lenalee bumped into Kanda. She decided to help Allen Walker and told him, "Hey, you know that Allen actually likes you? Maybe even more than a friend." She noticed that although Kanda tried to look disgusted, a spark of pure joy flashed in his eyes. _Oh, what was happening to everyone?_

Kanda continued towards Allen's bedroom. He opened the door and stood there, unsure of what he should do. Finally he gave a slight nod, "Hey."

Allen blushed and replied, "Hi Kanda." Then he spoke up, "Why do you hate me?"

Kanda shook his head vigorously, "I don't hate you! In fact, I love you!" Then he clapped his hand over his mouth. What was he saying?

Allen walked towards Kanda and gave him a peck on the lips. They leaned into the hallway and Allen gasped when he saw Lenalee and Miranda hugging further down the hall. Why didn't he realize it before?

And…why was he kissing Kanda? "GAHHH, WTF!" Allen shrieked and pushed Kanda away.

"GET OFF ME YOU BEANSPROUT!" Kanda slapped him in reply.

Komui popped up behind them and shouted, "Eureka! I've found the cure!~ Reever?"

Reever nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, why didn't we see it before? Yuu Kanda was the most effected by the formula. When it entered his bloodstream, it reacted with the body cells and after one cycle back to the heart it became the antidote! So, you have to exchange bodily fluids with Kanda to be cured! And he's the only one with enough of the chemicals inside for the antidote reaction to work!"

"What…" Allen asked.

"You see, the scientists were researching a formula that when akuma are exposed to it they will think the opposite of what they used to think. You know, so they won't be under the Noah's control all the time. One of the test tubes cracked while all the Exorcists were in the science lab, so you were all affected by the fumes. And Kanda was the most effected."

Komui shrieked, "EVERYONE! CATCH YUU KANDA!"

Kanda realized what he was talking about and ran away. All the Exorcists came out and chased after him. He whipped out his Mugen and slashed at anyone that came to close, but they eventually brought him tied up to the science lab. There, they scientists strapped him securely down and informed the Exorcists that they all had to kiss him. Which was met by enthusiasm. Everyone now liked Kanda, thanks to the weird potion.

Kanda struggled in his binds as Lavi sucked face with him, then broke away with a look of utter revoltion.

"Isn't there some other way?" Kanda gasped.

"Well, we could take two litres of your blood and shoot it into everyone's arteries…" Tapp suggested, which was met by a lot of headshaking. No one wanted to get a shot.

So after about a dozen kisses, Kanda was finally let free. His lips were bruised and he had a dazed look on his face. Everyone left, except Allen.

"Kanda, is the reason why you loved me before being cured that you hated me a lot before?" He asked uncertainly.

Kanda shook his head, "I don't hate you, idiot beansprout. You're damn annoying, but I don't hate you."

"Same to you, baka!" Allen said cheerfully. "So, friends?"

Kanda smirked, "Just because I don't hate you doesn't mean I like you. And I sure don't. Now, go away."

"Aw, you baka…" Allen grumbled and left. He found himself lip-locked with Lenalee a few minutes later.

So that should be the end of the subtle Yullen. Not that good at writing yaoi. And, remember when I said I wanted another version of DGM where Allen becomes evil and takes over the world with Road etc.? I started a new story called Reminiscence of what once was. That's something like that. It has two chapters so far. Please read!


	17. Genderflipping!

I'm trying for a genflip this chapter. There's a lot of those for Hetalia, so I thought it'll be interesting if I wrote one. So, names:

Allen: Allison

Lavi: Lori

Kanda: Kristina (he would be so pissed off at being a girl…but too bad for him)

Lenalee: Lawrence (it sounds kinda weird, but I couldn't think of a lot of male names that begin with "L")

Komui: Katie

Miranda: Michael

Krory: Karla

Lawrence was already in the lounge when they got there. He waved at them, "Hey guys!"

"He's sexy." Lori whispered mischievously.

"We've lived in the same building for years! Grow up." Her friend replied.

Their supervisor, Katie, chose this moment to barge in. He held up a lacy black bra for everyone to see and shouted at Lawrence, "Nii-san! I bought a new bra! It's all fancy and it's supposed to be a push-up. Can you help me put it on?"

When the siblings got back, Michael was there too. His eyes widened at Katie's noticeably larger chest and an obvious shade of red spread across his cheeks.

Karla pouted in annoyance, "What are you looking at?"

It was October 15th. And every 15th meant all the people at Headquarters went shopping, if they wanted to.

"Heyy, Katie! This will, like, look so cute on you. You should wear them with tights and a belt." Allison held up a long white short-sleeved blouse.

"Yeah! Thanks, Ali!" Katie eagerly grabbed it. Lawrence groaned and counted down thirty seconds. As he got to 1,a shriek came from her changing room, "NIII-SAN! I GOT MY PERIOD! HELP!"

Lawrence reached into his messenger bag, where he had a secret compartment full of pads just for his sister. This happened every. Shopping. Trip. Katie had a very exact cycle. And having a bunch of pads in his bag was slightly less embarrassing than going into the girl's washroom and kicking the tampon box until one fell out, which was what happened the first few times.

"Remember to bring your own next time." He reminded Katie in a bored voice.

"Of course, Nii-san!" Came the chirpy reply. But of course she never remembered.

"I don't want a haircut." Katie pouted, brushing her bangs out of her face only to have them fall back over her glasses two seconds later.

"Yes, you do. We all do." Lori said firmly.

So Allison, Lori, Katie, Lawrence and Kristina ended up sitting in front of a mirror as random people chopped off their hair in a salon. Lori, being smart and asking only for a trim, was the first one done. He whispered in the hairdressers' ears, who gave him a surprised look but nodded anyway.

A bloodcurling scream came from Allison an hour later, echoed by Lawrence's. Kristina didn't even bother; she got right to the swearing.

"LORI, U *BEEEP* *BEEP* *BEEEEEEEP*! I WILL *BEEP* MURDER YOU *BEEEP *BEEEP*!"

The other customers in the room were an elderly woman, who frowned and shook her head, and a mother who covered her son's ears while shooting death looks at Kristina.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, LORI!" Allison shrieked as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair had been permed into an Afro and dyed hot pink. Which was, needless to say, not a good look for her. Kristina was now almost bald. Only a spiky strip remained, like a Mohawk. (I can't imagine even a male Kanda without his hair.)

Lawrence now sported one of those very very Asian haircuts that required half a bottle of gel every morning. Once he got over the initial shock of it, he realized that it didn't look that bad. Just different. But Lawrence was definitely too lazy to spend that much time styling his hair. Lori didn't bother messing up Katie's because she was their "boss" and could make baaaaad things happen to them if she wanted to. And besides, she was cute.

Allison put his tray down at the last empty spot, which happened to be beside Kristina. Apparently no one else wanted to sit there because he shot death glares from under her new Mohawk at anyone who got within 10 meters of her.

Se wrinkled his nose at Allison's overflowing plate, "Aren't you worry you're gonna get fat?"

"Actually, I'm not." Allison examined the pieces of food on his plate. They looked weird, unlike the delicious food Jerry usually made. Come to think of it, she didn't remember seeing Jerry today. The Exorcist poked cautiously at her food, then deciding she was too hungry to care, she shoved it all in his mouth.

Kristina stared as Allison turned white, then green, then purple. She coughed and clutched at her throat, falling out of her chair. "Hey, beansprout, you okay?"

Allison made a gurgling noise in reply as he ran for the bathroom.

"Dude, don't become bulimic or anything! I was joking about you being fat." Although Kristina didn't care much for that beansprout, or so she told herself, she didn't want to be responsible for her death-by-eating-disorder. But…Allison, eating disorder? Unlikely.

"Heyyy Kristina, how do you like my cooking? Jerry has the flu so I'm filling in." Lori suddenly appeared beside the girl, wearing a lopsided chef hat. She winked and waved a spatula at her.

Katie scurried towards the public showers, hoping no one would see her naked except for a huge fluffy pink towel. There was something wrong with the hot water system, so she hired a plumber and they all had to share showers that day. So there were plenty of people running around half-nakedd that morning. Of course, she was the only one that knew exactly what was wrong with the shower. The supervisor had accidentally poured an unknown dangerous chemical down the drain. It was better if no one else knew. Maybe she should warn the plumber though…oh well.

Katie sighed in relief as she reached the showers. The warm water vapour enveloped her. There was too much vapour. Katie frowned and switched on the ventilation at the same time a male voice rang out, "_You say whoa, whoa is me, I'm so whoa!"_*

Two voiced started screaming. As the mist cleared away, the supervisor found herself staring at a naked guy with an equally terrified expression. She averted her eyes, but it was too late. There was a…_thing_ hanging you-know-where. Oh god, she was scarred for life.

Michael whirled around and grabbed his bathrobe. "I'm sorry, Katie…sorry…" He apologized as he ran out of the shower room.

*For you Americans out there that don't know the song "Whoa is me" (and most of my readers are American), it's a song by a Canadian band called Down With Webster. It's one of those songs that will be permanently stuck in your head unless you sing it in the shower.

And this is officially the last chapter for Headquarters. I'm just too busy to write much now. And I haven't been getting as many reviews lately as I hoped. But I want to finish Reminiscence of what once was, so I'll still update that. Please review!


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